The Braided Inkwell

I am finding the waters of the thirties to be placidly choppy, if there is a such thing. I feel some form of peace because I believe I am at the right place, but I feel the chop and heave-ho of circumstantial waters because my body isn’t cooperating with me right now. One key organ which all people don’t have has the habit of growing lumpy things. Non-cancerous things, but highly annoying, things that hamper my lifestyle and drain my energy. I don’t want them. But the only way to get rid of them is to get rid of the organ that incubates them.

“We run tings. Tings no run we”

It’s a Jamaican proverb I read last week. Sometimes, as I navigate the thirties and think about the challenges to my health and wellness that creep up as I slowly inch on up the aging scale… I am temped to feel helpless as if there’s nothing I can do about my situation. I can’t help but wonder if I run my monsters or are they running me. If I, indeed, ran them totally, I wouldn’t even have them. But I feel like they’re orchestrating what I choose to play in my life’s symphony. They’ve already dictated I won’t have a full orchestra. They are also telling me that I may have to do without the strings. And even if there is room for strings, there’s no guarantee they’ll even be tuned and ready to play.

It doesn’t always feel like I run tings. I feel like these monsters-tings are trying to run me.

And I don’t like it.

Oh, I want the areas of my life to line up for once.
Career, finances, love, but they don’t seem to be in my rundown.

And it’s running me down. But alas, who will listen to these woes?
Which is why I let my fingers do my whining and complaining.

The monsters are hindering my choices.
But they don’t have to hamper my choice to be happy.

I run tings. Tings no run me.

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This is one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received. This wise sage–came in the form of a high school textbook more than 15 years ago. The book focused on developing study skills necessary for college and, from what I recall, the first page of each chapter had a pithy, key piece of advice. “Be here, now” was one of them. The meaning? Wherever you are-BE there not just physically, but be there in full mind–in order to get the full experience. When reviewing for a test, tackling new equations, grappling with a difficult literature text… Be there in full mind and with full energy.


Even though this book was talking specifically about full mental presence during study sessions, the advice can be applied to various situations.


Be there, now–at work.
Be there, now–at play.
Be there, now–at the gym.
Be there, now–in your relationships.


Wherever you are, there you be… So be where you’re at.


Why aim to be there now when tomorrow comes? Because, tomorrow is not now, and tomorrow may never arrive. When tomorrow arrives, you may be at the morgue, in a coffin, under the earth, in a crypt or an urn. While you live, be present.


Remember–it’s find and dandy to seize the day… just mentally present to enjoy it.

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Hodge Podge for March 9, 2011

14-Years Later March 9–Biggie Day!

And… Tweet may have cost Ne-Yo one fan…

Ne-Yo tweets about Snooki from the MTV reality show The Jersey Shore appearing on Rolling Stone cover.

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Now, the rules of “Can I get to know you?” are not the same as the rules of “Can I be your boyfriend?”
And the rules of “Can I be your boyfriend” are not the same rules that govern the “Can I be your husband?” relationship. So until those bridges are crossed, then everything in this type of relationship is simply based on the idea of finding out who a person is, discovering their mind, character, and their personality. And that means to get to know you not as a girlfriend, not a wife, but as a person and a potential friend. The girlfriend and wife parts may be in the future. They may not be in the future. All you have to go on is the present, and its simple question.


The friends I have today and I… well, we found there was something we had in common. As C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”


So there’s an attraction, that’s where it starts… That “you too” moment of friends… Then that attraction is explored through time spent together, and through those interactions, you choose whether to accept or reject each other’s brand of friendship… And that’s what should happen. That’s what “Can I get to know you?” means. Even in the platonic world.

However, in the romantic world, those words are not a promise of N.E.THING WHATSOEVER.


Now, let’s get something straight. “Can I get to know you?” does not mean in the Biblical sense. Now I’m sure there is more than one man out there who would gladly take your love, who would gladly lay down in the bed with you, rumple the sheets with you, or with me, if we so offered up our goodies that way. Gas station man is such a one. There are few normal men who would say no (I think), especially if he doesn’t think you’re crawling with cooch-cooties. If the person only wants to get to know the va-jay-jay, of course he will make that known, or will try to swindle it out of you… but even then, there are signs. And if you don’t cooperate, well, you may or may not hear from him anymore.


The key is that it does not matter what the man wants, meaning whether he wants to lay down with you in the “Can I get to know you” process or whether or not he wants to be friend with privileges, or to literally find out as much as he can about who you are as a person. His intentions should not govern your behavior. But it is you and only you who chooses whether or not that man can have some of your loving. And he also chooses whether or not he wants you to have some of his. Likely, his choice is made and is hands and/or conversation will indicate his wishes.


And if, during the “Can I get to know you process, you two consenting adults decide to engage the gadgets, and he decides to truncate the get to know your process by losing your number… Well–just my opinion–if you’re getting to know someone and you’re just getting to know that person…there might be a little bit (or a lot) of sexual tension there, but if you’re just getting to know them, and you sleep with them, I do believe (and this is not true in all cases) it can short circuit the “get to know you” process. Sometimes the physical and spiritual connection speeds things along, and it might make a person realize ‘Hey this is the one for me.” But, if you sleep with the guy before you find out his favorite color or how many siblings he has, you cannot get upset if he gets post-coital amnesia.


Now if you’re beyond discovering birthdays, favorite colors and restaurants, and the man said “Can I be your boyfriend?” and you’re going out for many months and then you decide to sleep with the guy and then he dumps you, like, the day after, then I would say–just my opinion– I understand why you would be upset. But if it short circuits in the “get to know” phase, again, you can’t get mad at the man and call him a dog, because “Can I get to know you?” does not mean “Can I sleep with you?” It really, truly means…


Can I get to know you?


Ladies, we need to learn the rules and play them with more evidence and not let emotion run roughshod over plain sight.

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